***TRIGGER WARNING!*** This submit could include references to implied or precise violence, which could possibly be triggering to readers. Please learn with warning!
I actually used to dread New Yr’s Eve, being previously married to an abusive alcoholic. He would have me costume up like a Vegas present lady, so he might parade me round, then berated me later for wanting like a “whore.” If I attempted to decorate conservatively, he’d guilt me by telling me I used to be “being a prude” and wasn’t proud to be seen with him, that he wished to “present me off.” It was a no-win scenario, actually, that at all times left me feeling hopeless.
We’d inevitably go to a New Yr’s Eve get together, often bringing meals and booze with us, as did everybody else. Normally, these have been events the place he knew everybody, and I knew none or only a few. I’d discuss with the ladies, often being overdressed and uncomfortable, or stand silently by his aspect, making NO eye contact with different males. I wasn’t about to obtain one other beating, as I did the 12 months I chatted with a collegue of his, whose spouse walked away and bought roped into one other convo. I bought a beautiful shiner and a damaged rib, after we bought house. He advised me it will be worse if I cried out and woke the children. After all, he was thoughtful sufficient to attend till after the sitter, my mother-in-law, left.
One 12 months, I couldn’t discover him at midnight to kiss him, solely to catch him interlocked in a passionate kiss with one other girl. After all, he was “three sheets to the wind” drunk, so he could not have identified it wasn’t me, though I’m not so certain (we hadn’t had such an intense kiss for a few years). That was in all probability the 12 months I used to be at my largest, so, for sure, I used to be heartbroken. I by no means bought an apology for that. I additionally by no means appeared ahead to the brand new 12 months, as I felt trapped and if factor would by no means get any higher. I misplaced hope and curiosity in doing something however surviving and caring for my youngsters.
Quick ahead to right now…I look ahead to 2023 and all the chances it holds for my household and I. I’m wearing a band t-shirt and thin denims and my heavy metallic tennis sneakers. I’m about to go see a live performance of a canopy band for AC/DC, with a person that really loves and cares for me. I don’t should step over his unconscious, drunk physique later this night or fear about him disappearing to go kiss one other girl. He might be proper subsequent to me, rocking within the new 12 months of prospects, holding my hand.
Completely satisfied New Yr, expensive readers! 2023 goes to be epic for this little Weblog of mine! Love and lightweight!