Martial artists carry themselves with self-respect, honor, and beauty. They mood their feelings and by no means fall prey to the temptation of envy…Or we might simply reduce the bull and cease romanticizing the parable of the martial artist with the unflappable humble coronary heart. Jealousy is a pure human emotion, and it occurs to everybody, even martial artists.
Let’s speak about it.
The latest time I felt jealous of one other martial artist was in my own residence. My accomplice, a high-ranking Taekwondo black belt, and I had been understanding with some pads and a stand-up kicking bag. I seen how robust he was and the way effectively and exactly he moved. As a substitute of feeling admiration or simply focusing by myself coaching, I felt repulsed at my very own supposed lack of power and effectivity. For just a few moments, I quietly pouted about how terrible my kicks had been and the way dumpy and sluggish I believed I regarded. Possibly I ought to simply give up!
Then I noticed how foolish it was evaluating myself to somebody who’s youthful, fitter, hasn’t suffered a serious damage, and has been coaching most of his life. (And the person cooks for me, so how might I be mad at him?) Shaking myself out of that feeling was straightforward as a result of there have been sufficient variations between us that evaluating (or competing) was out of the query.
It could even be foolish evaluating myself to somebody extra equal to my health and talent degree, however that’s when the ugly worm of jealousy can burrow additional into my mind. Apart from my fleeting second of resentment towards my accomplice, I haven’t skilled the sting of jealousy a lot in my martial arts profession. I’ve, nonetheless, felt bitterly jealous amongst writers and authors I do know. After publishing my first e-book, it appeared like in every single place I turned, somebody was making spectacular gross sales or internet hosting a well-attended e-book signing occasion and even publishing a second e-book. In the meantime, I felt like it doesn’t matter what I did, I couldn’t get anybody to offer my memoir a second look. On the depth of my Nice Melancholy of 2021 I felt so disgusted with my very own jealousy I reduce off a lot of the authors I do know on social media.
Jealousy can really feel like the opposite individual is taking one thing from us, even once we’ve by no means met them earlier than. Singer Olivia Rodrigo aptly acknowledges in her tune “Jealousy Jealousy” that “their win is just not my loss” and “their magnificence’s not my lack” when interested by the individuals she envies, however she nonetheless can’t assist getting caught up within the emotion. And if listening to Olivia Rodrigo diminishes my road cred as a martial artist, so be it. The girl’s a genius.
I don’t remorse eradicating the supposedly picture-perfect lives of the writers I envied from my purview. Social media could be a enjoyable method to join and talk with individuals, however it could additionally act as an old style black magic glamor, making us imagine we’re missing in each space of our lives whereas everybody else appears to be getting it proper.
Ignoring these we envy is one tactic to melt our jealous tendencies. However what if we are able to’t ignore them? What if the individuals we envy are at our identical martial arts faculty or worse, our frequent coaching companions?
How does this apply when the green-eyed monster strikes us on the mat?
In addition to Rodrigo’s lyrics, I thought of maxims I’d heard at work:“Don’t be pissed off. Be fascinated.”“Don’t be livid. Be curious.”
Jealousy is a superb studying device. Fairly often, jealousy has nothing to do with the opposite individual and every little thing to do with our personal insecurities. Recognizing once we are falling prey to insecurity is a step in the proper path to heightened self-awareness and humility.
Jealousy also can shine a light-weight on one thing that pursuits us reminiscent of a talent we need to grasp. As a substitute of being indignant that you could’t do it, flip the jealousy into curiosity and determine how you are able to do it. Somebody all the time will get one of the best of you in sparring or grappling? Good! When you recover from the ego sting of being bested, now you possibly can determine the place you’re letting your protection down or lacking a chance to make use of a sure approach. You possibly can’t carry out a sure transfer on the athletic degree of another person? Good! Now the place you could focus your coaching. You may additionally want a dose of actuality to first, acknowledge what your physique is bodily (and safely) succesful and never able to doing, and second, settle for it.
I’ll share yet another quote: “An indignant thoughts is a slim thoughts.”
This was counsel from Michael Jai White to a younger fighter within the film By no means Again Down 2. Jealousy can blind us to our personal capabilities, poison {our relationships}, and negatively have an effect on our efficiency. Martial artists are nice at adapting and utilizing what’s obtainable to them, so use jealousy as a device to level you within the path of studying and self-acceptance. And also you by no means know, chances are you’ll make a fantastic pal and coaching accomplice out of somebody who used to make you envious.
Melanie has labored within the healthcare trade since 2004 and lives within the Dallas-Fort Price Metroplex.
